Fill In The Blanks: If I ___, Then __ Will ___ Me.
When Richard Gabriel asked me to take part in his Creativity Workshop at this OOPSLA thing, (and what the heck is an OOPSLA, anyway?) my first, unspoken reaction was, Thanks, but No Thanks. There were a dozen perfectly good, seemingly reasonable reasons standing in line, saying, “Choose me! Choose me!” I’d be busy teaching. It would mean another twenty hours of my life in an airplane. And eight more in airports. I have nothing to give these people. It would take too much preparation. I’d miss my wife. I’d miss my dinner. I’d need new clothes.
But I didn’t go with my first reaction. I listened to Richard’s sketch of what he thought it might be like, saw a place where I might fit in, and tentatively (very tentatively!) agreed to take part, seeing that it might be fun. When I got home I talked to my schools, got “No problem” from them, got another “No problem” from my wife, and moved the whole thing to the back burner of my mind, neglecting to turn on the heat.
A couple of weeks ago Richard turned on the heat. “Take a gander at this,” were his exact words, suggesting I look at the website he’d set up. My reaction was pretty much like the one I have when I see a police officer’s red lights flashing in my rear view mirror and know he’s not trying to pass. And I think maybe there’s a traffic citation I maybe haven’t taken care of yet.
Panic.
And clicking on the links to the people who expressed an interest in the workshop fueled the panic a little more. (Did you know that even at the extreme end of panic there are gradations?) Just who are these insufferable overachievers, anyway? Why on earth would they be even remotely interested in a creativity workshop, other than to show off? And make me look bad?
So my topic arrived so large and noisy I couldn’t see it at first. Fear. Once my own fear abated a little, I began to see a subtext to a lot of the entries I read. I sensed a certain level of “stuck-ness” and a yearning for more in some of the entries. People would like to be more creative, in their work, yes, but in their larger lives, too. I believe one of the big reasons they aren’t more creative is fear. Fear of failure. Fear of change. Fear of others’ opinions. Fear of having one’s inadequacies revealed.
To quote poet and fiction writer Jorge Luis Borges, I may not be a fair example, but merely an awful warning. Much of my creative life has been affected by my fears and my not-always-successful efforts to get around them. I know next to nothing about what you people do, and what I do know is probably wrong. But I have learned a little about not being stopped by my fears. So I come to this gathering willing to share what I’ve learned and to learn from you.
If any of this resonates, please let me know. If you’d like to contact me directly, my email address is gribblej*gol.com. Anything we talk about privately remains “our little secret” until you want it otherwise.
I look forward to this engagement with only a little trepidation.
John